Disciplining Children One Step at a Time

Mental Stretch before you Step:

• Inconsistency and frustration in discipline is usually the result of parental ignorance, laziness, anger or selfishness.

• Physical or Emotional Abuse is sinful and the complete opposite of the loving discipline God calls us to practice in our homes.  
•   Biblical discipline takes time, self control and selfless love.

• If you have not established a biblical pattern of discipline, then make sure you walk with your children through your new approach before there is an incident. Explain how it will work, what they can expect, etc…

·        Chew on these biblical passages to get your heart prepared:

Ephesians 6:1-4; Colossians 3:20, 21; Hebrews 12

Proverbs 3:11-12; 6:20-23; 13:24; 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:15, 17

Step 1: Immediately confront their disobedience or defiance.

   

            Disobedience should be defined as a child's refusal in action or attitude to do what you've clearly told them to do.

·          Consistency is so critical.

·        Don’t argue with them about their behavior. Don’t try to reason with them.

·        Say something like, “You just disobeyed me, go to my room immediately.”

Step 2: Send them to a private place to await their discipline (like your bedroom)

·        Take a moment as a parent to pray for a peaceful heart, wisdom and strength to discipline in a self controlled, loving way…

·        Don’t keep them waiting too long…the younger they are the quicker the correction should be!

·        For a child under three or even four you may need to take them to the room yourself and deal with them immediately.

·        Don’t ever discipline children in public!

·        Don’t discipline children in front of their siblings if possible. Parental discipline should be private because your goal is not shaming your child but bringing them to humble, joyful submission of your authority under God. 

Step 3: Confirm their disobedience with questions that force them to confess their sin:

“How did you disobey mommy?”

 “What did you do that was wrong?”

 “What did you do that displeased God?”

“What has God told us in the Bible that you chose to disobey?”

Step 4: Share your sorrow over their heart attitudes as well as their behavior.

Step 5: Give them a physical reminder of the sting of sin using the “rod of   

              correction”.   

                              (Proverbs 13:24; 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:15)

• Maintain dignity and personal control. Speak slowly and controlled even if your child is getting worked up about getting a spanking.

• Emphasize their choice to take this path.

• Before you spank them you let them know how many swats you will be administering.  This allows them to prepare for what is to come and maintain self control…

• Tell them to get into position (You can put your hand on the bed and tell them to put their hands and head on your hand. You can either have them bend over or stand still to take their swat.)

•  If they don’t get into position immediately then encourage them to give themselves over quickly to the consequence of their disobedience. If they don’t get into position then help then do so by gently tapping them with the “rod” on their bottom with increasing intensity until they get into position for their spanking.

• Give them one or two spankings per offense at a time. (You may have to repeat the process of verbal confrontation and physical correction until they’re attitude is one of submission to your authority). 

•  Let the swat or swats be firm.

Step 6: Hold them

·        Let them cry, but not out of control.

·        Comfort them

·        Express your love.

Step 8: Pray over them

·        Give them an opportunity to pray if they desire as well.

Send them off to their normal activities with a sense of love, forgiveness and a fresh start!

Hebrews 12:11

“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”